Poor, poor Sandrie Annabelle

I received this spam and it was just too entertaining to simply delete:

Beloved,

I am drenched with tears while writing this short message to you. It was heartbreaking news to me few previous days when my doctor notified me on complications on my heath condition which he officially made known to me. He further stressed that the complication I had in my human mechanism as a result of a secondary liver cancer which have destroyed all the organs in my body system. According to him, his said that this complication will lead to my imminent death since no medication can alleviate the high system of deformation I am encountering at this point of time in my system.

In the view of the above, I’m quest to find a trustworthy and upright individual whom I will entrust a reason sum for my investment in charity organization. I was brought up from an orphanage home where l got married to my late husband for twenty years without a 2kids, who died in a fatal motor accident recently. Before his death we were true Christians. We were trying to work on a project for the less privilege before this current situation. I will make available to you all information and officially authorized document which will endorse your claim as the beneficiary to the fund in question in the finance house where the fund is lodged. I have map out the modality on how the fund will be used to build a very big charitable or orphanage home of your in your locality of your choice provided you can manage this project to yield income.

Upon your acceptance to this investment proposal kindly get back to me urgently
In God we trust
Sandrie Annabelle

My response:

Dear Sandrie Annabelle,

I am truly saddened to hear of the complication in your human mechanism that is leading to your imminent death. I am unfamiliar with exactly what component of the body a human mechanism is, but I must assume that it is a very important mechanism. Perhaps you should be careful of the tear-drenching, as that could easily cause a short-circuit in one of your other mechanisms. It is also a shame that you are encountering a high system of deformation in your system. I imagine that must be scary to watch.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband and that the two of you spent 20 years without a 2kids, whatever that may be. You say that before your husband's fatal accident, you were true Christians and were working on a charitable project. That is quite admirable. I am somewhat saddened by the fact that you know of no one who you feel is a trustworthy and upright individual and that you have to reach out to a perfect stranger for such qualities, but I am honored that you consider me a trustworthy and upright individual and that you are willing to entrust a fund to me. I understand you will make available to me whatever I need to claim the fund. I appreciate that greatly. I think, however, that I can make things a little easier for you. Rather than dealing with all the red tape that no doubt the finance house where the fund is lodged will require, since you are so close to death, we should expedite things if possible. So let's do this: Cash out the fund yourself and then send me a cashier's check made out to my name to an address I will provide later. I will solemnly swear upon the life of your late husband that I will use the funds as you had originally intended. Oh, wait. You don't actually KNOW my name. That's OK. Just make the check out to "CASH."

Sincerely, in the name of our trusted Lord, your beloved,
CASH