Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I suck, and other random things

I suck. That is because despite good intentions of mailing out the prizes from my last PiF contest (I'd link, but not only do I suck, I'm too lazy to bother with linking today) last week, I only just managed to mail them TODAY. So yeah. Sorry, all my winners, but I think we've established that I suck. Before we move on away from my suckage and my overall suckitude that I am sporting today, I just want to say that it's not just me. Other people suck too. As a matter of fact, other people suck MORE. For instance, asshole drivers who think the right shoulder of the road is a LANE. So that means EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO LIVES IN PENNSYLVANIA. They're such bad drivers that they need SIGNS next to their traffic lights that say, "Wait For Green." Seriously, here's a picture:

Now, come ON. When I first saw one of these signs, I thought, "Well, DUH." Then I thought, "Maybe they mean 'No Turn on Red,' but then why don't they use a 'No Turn on Red' sign?" So all I can figure is that PA drivers need a reminder to wait until the light is green before they go, as opposed to just randomly and indiscriminately driving into intersections. Now THAT'S bad driving.

Today I saw a big truck that said, "Batesville Casket Company." Did they not consider that the name "Norman Bates" could possibly be the first thing people thought of when they saw the company name? Am I the only one for whom that was the immediate thought?

I have SO MUCH CLUTTER. No, scratch that. My husband and kids have SO MUCH CLUTTER. Why am I always the one who has to do something about it? Today I am tackling the lowest level of our split-level (it would be called a basement if it weren't a split-level house, if anyone knows what the three levels of a split-level house are called, clue me in please).

I ordered a Jillian Michaels box set of DVDs AND her 30-Day Shred DVD. They should be here tomorrow. Between that and the hundred push-ups thing that I printed out, I should be SMOKIN' HOT by Thanksgiving, right? Though I suppose that would be contingent upon DOING them. I figured out that there are three things standing in the way of my having a killer bod: 1) lack of a personal chef, 2) lack of a personal trainer (and I would need a kick-ass one ala Jillian Michaels) and 3) lack of a nanny. Well, actually I guess that boils down to one thing: lack of sufficient funding.

ATTENTION DANIELLE-LEE: Honey, email me your address and pick your book from my Bookmooch inventory if you want your prize sometime in the next century. We've already determined that it takes me long enough when I DO have that info to get a prize on its way, and I would feel so much LESS SUCKY if I were able to send you yours. Do it for me, 'kay?

This is what I found when I went in to get Amy up from her nap yesterday:

Photo credit: Got it here.


Susiewearsthepants said...

Principals suck too, don't forget principals who think they are too good to help the low life parents such as myself

Fiona Picklebottom said...

susie- Sorry about your principal. I can't really complain about ours, since she is totally reasonable and responsive. I had a sucky one when *I* was a kid, though. I think he's dead now, so what goes around comes around.

Jess said...

The first photo is hilarious, and the second one is precious. Great combo!

moo said...

Life is just one big suckhole these days.

I bet that last picture made you cheer up a little bit though!

Anonymous said...

don't feel bad about not mailing the packages out yet. it took me a good 3 weeks before i did. and now i have to do another pif contest since i won yours, and im making a promise with myself that i will send out the package within a week this time around, b/c really, who needs the self-placed guilt of driving around with the package in my car for weeks??
oh, and i totally emailed you weeks ago about what book i wanted! now i gotta go back and look! damn you! (j/k)

Katie said...

Hey, my Christmas card story will make you feel better about not mailing the packages. Year one -- had pics done of step-kids with new baby brother. Signed, addressed AND stamped said cards. Set them aside for next year. Year two -- steamed open 50 cards (like I know 50 people who give a darn about my kids! I've matured since then.) Added updated pic and added name of baby sistere expected in January. Resealed cards with glue, added 2 cent stamp. Set them aside for next year. Year three -- Once again, steamed open cards. Added pic of new baby sister, added note about expecting another baby, dated previous entries, sealed cards added a 1 cent stamp. Set them aside for next year. Year four, attempted to steam open cards. Got distracted by 3 year old, 1 year old, 5 month old and three older step-children I was homeschooling. Got ticked that I couldn't get glue to loosen. Thought about cutting open the cards, decided it wasn't worth the trouble, fretted over throwing away pics of MY OWN CHILDREN, set them aside for next year. Year five, pitched the whole lot.

I live by the 'She who lives in glass house' motto and have lots of empathy for those who don't get things mailed on time. in other words, don't sweat it! :-)

TheWeyrd1 said...

Don't drive in Texas then...they drive on the shoulder regularly...admittedly it's to let faster drivers pass, but still!

Amy is WAY cute!

Fiona Picklebottom said...

Danielle-lee - I figured you must have, but I couldn't find it. Good thing I have that "I suck" excuse. :)

Katie - Ha! That sounds EXACTLY like something I would do.

Shelly said...

LOL! I love the "Wait for Green" sign! Those are some sucky drivers. And yeah, Norman Bates was my first thought on the Casket Company, too.

Alice said...

hee. those signs don't even phase me any more, i'm so used to them... i think it's meant for when the opposite side turns green before yours does, BUT STILL. you'd think people wouldn't just drive through a red light. i guess you'd think wrong, though. :-)

Nowheymama said...

I've never understood the "Pennsylvania left" thing where the first car waiting to turn left at a light goes ahead and turns when the light changes to green. And the opposing traffic lets the driver go! It's weird.