Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Thoughts of an insomniac

Saturday night I couldn't sleep. I don't know if this happens to any of you, but right about ovulation time in my cycle, I get a few days of insomnia. (I used to also get a few days of severe, debilitating depression, but taking Prozac for those days each month that the depression hit fixed that, and it's been a couple years since I've experienced that.) When I can't sleep, it is ALWAYS because I can't shut off my head. It's probably that way for everyone, but I don't know because I am not in anyone else's head. We should all be grateful for that. My thought process Saturday night ended up with such a funny memory that I had to share: the memory of my most bizarre homework assignment EVER.

My PhD (which I quit before I did my dissertation) track required me to take a physiology course at the medical school. I was pregnant at the time, so I chose Reproductive Physiology. I was in the school of Biostatistics, Epidemiology, Systems Science and Risk Assessment, and found myself in a class containing myself and about a dozen nurse-midwife students (all female). Interestingly, and somewhat scary for their patients perhaps, I received the highest grade in the class. But there was one assignment that stood out to me. Our professor was an ex-nun, in that she had once been a nun, but apparently decided that she'd rather get some than get nun (none). The parentheses are there for any of you who are slow on the uptake today and need it all LAID out for you. (Oh, stop your groaning, most of you know I'm really a 14-year-old boy in a woman's body.) Anyway, the first few classes were dedicated to the structure of ge.ni.ta.li.a and the or.ga.sm.ic process (yeah, I just made up the phrase "or.ga.sm.ic process", but it sounds good, no?). This was also when the whole "G.-.sp.ot, does it exist?" debate was going on. So one evening (it was a night class) as class was wrapping up, Professor Ex-nun said, "For your homework tonight, I want you to go home and locate your G.-sp.ot." Good thing she said that "go home" part first. "Any questions?" Um, YEAH:

A) Will this assignment be graded on technique or results?
B) Can we work with someone else on the assignment or is this intended to be a solo mission? And speaking of solo-missions, isn't that a no-no in nun circles?
C) Will we be discussing how we did on this assignment next class?

I didn't actually ASK any of these, but I SO wanted to. What was the most bizarre homework assignment YOU ever got?


Jen @ The Cubicle's Backporch said...

I loved your 'nun' joke!! Hee hee. No better way to start out a Tuesday morning than with a good corny line! :)

Hmm... I guess the weirdest homework assignment I got was to go to a different church than what I'd ever been to before. It wasn't really weird, just different.

I think yours takes the cake. And it would've be funny if someone asked those questions!!!

Jess said...

That's hysterical. I definitely have not had any assignments that come anywhere near that one in terms of weirdness.

Tessie said...


How AWK to be an EX-nun! Like, everyone KNOWS that once you didn't get any, but, like, NOW YOU DO? It's like the awk I always feel at weddings when I know the couple are virgins.

Um, or maybe this is just ME.

moo said...

How does an ex-nun even KNOW about a G-spot?

I was on Ph.D. track and got ... uh ... OFF track by comps and dissertation. It sucks.

Oh! And I got your package! hooray!

Fiona Picklebottom said...

tessie - Let's just say that I am aware of it's location. ;)

moo - EX-nun. EX. Oh, and she was teaching Reproductive Physiology, so that probably helped.

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious. The most random I got was to try and figure out how my prof got over his cold. It was an organic chemistry class, and he assigned the problem only to those who were Jewish (he had them raise their hand). The answer was matza ball soup.

Shelly said...

LOL! Awesome story! So, WAS there any discussion at the next class? I did not have any assignments that compare to that!

Alice said...

that is FANTASTIC. and SO awkward and hilarious! at the same time!

i never had anything this crazy, just some creative science projects (find out the total cost, in both $$ and in energy, of taking a shower, including the $$ and energy to get the water to your house, and to heat it, for example... that project was horrific)

BUT! i do have a gspot story for you:

when i was in college, i went down to the basement of our dorm one day and found a friend and one of the guys from our hall sitting on a sofa, him behind her and sort of enveloping her, and right as i walked in she goes "now let me show you another way to finger the G."

turns out she was teaching him how to play guitar.

Swistle said...

That's my sleep problem, too.

Weirdest homework assignment...hm. Nothing as weird as that!

TheWeyrd1 said...

I think the ex-nun's assignment is telling of how she came to be an EX-nun...heh. And did you ever find the elusive g-spot?

Susiewearsthepants said...

OMG! WTF? Is it legal to ask students to do that? I would have been totally mortified. Especially if it was in my very early twenties when I really wasn't sure what that was.